she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
