WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
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i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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