farters have to be the big spoon...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
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sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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