He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
