it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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