brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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