do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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