Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
