finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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