i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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