Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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