...so i touched it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?