Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.