i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa