I am puke
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old