non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!