Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think your dad took our porno
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?