Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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