K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
