i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize