If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
