i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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