I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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