After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
