Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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