you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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