Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
