Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
