So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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