i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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