one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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