so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Vodka?
Forever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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