the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
