you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
