just come out here and I will go home with you...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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