Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
