so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
