Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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