I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
