you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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