I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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