Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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