she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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