1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
