she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
