Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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