I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
