Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
