At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
