Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
