Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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