There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
