Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
