I wish I could teleport
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
