I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
