ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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