i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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