i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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