i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
