Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
