If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
