If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
