worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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