My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
