first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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