sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
