were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
