She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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